In our youth we are often taught that we should make the right decision. This advice may have come from a parent, teacher, church leader or some other well-meaning authority figure. And while there is certainly value in making good choices, the idea that we should always make the “right” decision is flawed for two reasons. First, it presumes that there is a single right choice to be made in every situation, which is rarely the case. Second, and more importantly, it ignores the fact that we are often not as free to choose as we think we are.
There are a number of factors that can limit our ability to act, including social pressure, mental illness, physical limitations and poverty. And while some of these limitations can be overcome with effort and perseverance, others may constrain our choices to some degree no matter what we do.
The “Right” choice
The first problem with the advice to always make the right choice is that there is seldom a single right choice to be made. Life presents us with many options and our task is to choose the one that best suits our individual circumstances and understanding. What is right for one person may not be right for another.
Take, for example, the choice to quit your lucrative job to pursue your dreams. On the one hand, you may feel like you’re sacrificing a lot by giving up a stable income and good benefits. On the other hand, you may feel like you’re sacrificing your dreams if you stay in a job that doesn’t make you happy. There is no right answer to this dilemma – especially because we often only consider two variables to a problem, while there are usually many more. Some additional variables to consider might be:
-How much do you enjoy your current job?
-Do you feel like you’re good at it?
-How much does your current job pay?
-How much would your dream job pay?
-Are you confident you can achieve your dream?
-What is the cost of pursuing your dream?
-What are the risks of staying in your current job?
-What are the risks of pursuing your dream?
-Is the timing right for a change?
As you can see, there are many factors to consider when making a decision. And while it’s important to make a choice that feels right for you, it’s also important to remember that there is no single right answer.
Limiting yourself to a single right answer implies a lack of variability in what life has to offer you and tends to lead into a belief of fate. More on fate in a minute…
There has never been a time in history that offered more choices than the present. You can choose your own path in life from an infinite number of options. And while this may seem daunting, it’s also empowering. You have the freedom to choose your own path, and no one can tell you what is right for you but you.
The only “right” choice is the one that feels right for you in the moment, given your current circumstances and understanding. And even then, it’s important to remember that your circumstances and understanding are always changing. What feels right today may not feel right tomorrow. So, be flexible and open to change. The key is to gather information in your mind and tether it with the wisdom of you heart.
The idea that there is a single right choice also assumes that we have complete control over our lives, which brings us to the second problem with this advice…
The second problem with the advice to make the right choice is that it ignores the fact that we are often not as free to choose as we think we are. There are a number of factors that can limit our ability to act, including social pressure, mental illness, physical limitations and poverty.
Social pressure is perhaps the most common way our ability to choose is limited. We are constantly being bombarded with messages from the media, our friends, our families and our culture about what we should do, how we should look and what kind of people we should be. It can be difficult to resist these pressures, especially when they are coming at us from all sides.
Mental illness can also severely limit our ability to make choices. Those who suffer from depression, anxiety or other mental health conditions may find it hard to even get out of bed in the morning, let alone make complex decisions about their lives.
Physical limitations can also impact our ability to choose. A person with a physical disability may not be able to choose to pursue a career in dance, for example. Or a pregnant woman may not feel like she has the choice to pursue her desired career.
Poverty can also limit our ability to make choices. Those who are struggling to make ends meet often have to take whatever job they can get, regardless of whether or not it’s their dream job. They may also have to put their dreams on hold in order to care for their families.
All of these factors – and many more – can impact our ability to make choices. And while we may like to think that we are always in control of our lives, the truth is that we are often not as free to choose as we think we are.
What can you do if you want more freedom of choice?
The first step is to become more aware of the factors that are impacting your ability to choose. One very important factor is your perceptual filter, which is the lens through which you see the world. Your perceptual filter is shaped by your beliefs, values and experiences. If you want to have more freedom to choose, it’s important to become aware of your perceptual filter and how it’s impacting your ability to see choices.
Your perceptual filter is a piece of your epigenetics, meaning it is not set in your DNA but develops based on your environment, experiences and family history. This filter is what allows you to make sense of the world and see the patterns that exist within it. It allows you to see order in chaos and meaning in data.
Your perceptual filter is also what allows you to see the choices that are available to you. If your filter is narrow, you will only see a limited number of choices. But if your filter is wide, you will see a much greater number of choices.
The problem is that most people have very narrow filters. This is because our filters are shaped by our beliefs, values and experiences. And most people’s beliefs, values and experiences are quite limited. Learn more about the 12 perceptual zones.
Another factor that can impact your ability to choose is your level of consciousness. The more aware you are of yourself and the world around you, the more choices you will have. If you want to have more freedom to choose, it’s important to work on raising your level of consciousness.
How can I tell how conscious I am?
This question does not have one clear answer. However, here are some signs that you may be operating at a lower level of consciousness:
You tend to react to life, rather than act purposefully.
You find yourself being pulled in different directions by your emotions.
You allow your thoughts to control you, rather than the other way around.
You tend to make choices that are not in alignment with your true desires.
You don’t feel like you have control over your life.
If any of these sound familiar, it’s a good indication that you could benefit from raising your level of consciousness. Here are some things you can do to start increasing your consciousness:
Become more aware of your thoughts and emotions.
Start observing your life from a detached perspective.
Practice mindfulness and meditation.
Work on building your self-awareness.
Engage in a spiritual practices that resonates with your beliefs.
Read books, listen to podcasts or watch videos that raise your consciousness.
As you work on increasing your consciousness, you will likely find that you have more freedom to choose. You will be able to see more clearly what you want in life and you will be better able to make choices that are in alignment with your true desires.
Fate-based disruptions
After years of working with people and their belief systems, I have discovered that a majority of people believe that their lives are already determined to some degree – that they were meant to end up exactly where they are, no matter what decisions they make along the way. The idea that fate governs our lives is largely due to the stories and legends of past cultures which were heavily influenced by religion. Additionally, fairy tales exemplify the concept of fate and the readers of the tales accept without question the sufficiency of fate, chance, inevitability or magic. The fact is, however, that the belief in fate is simply a form of confirmation bias – we tend to believe things that reinforce our existing beliefs. Choose one of these tales to explore how the belief in fate operates: Snow White, Harry Potter, Little Mermaid, or The Monkey’s Paw.
The belief in fate is best explored in many tales where the protagonist is a victim of their circumstance who cannot change their circumstances without a magical intervention. In the story of Snow White, for example, the young princess is cursed by her Evil Queen stepmother to die by eating a poisoned apple. Even though Snow White is saved from death by a handsome prince, she still falls victim to the curse and is placed in a glass coffin. It is only through true love’s kiss that she is revived and the curse is broken. Had the prince not intervened, Snow White would have died. This story reinforces the belief that our lives are governed by fate and that we cannot escape our destiny. Had fate not affected Snow White, she would’ve been able to use her own will power to free herself from the Queen’s control.
We could also go into the depraved plot line of a children’s story where the step mother wants to kill her step daughter for being more beautiful than her, but we can go there another day. Suffice it to say, the belief in fate ultimately robs us of our power to control our own lives.
If you believe that your life is already determined, then you are likely to see any disruptions as negative events that are happening to you, rather than opportunities for growth and change. This can lead to a victim mentality, where you feel like you are powerless to change your circumstances.
Fate can be very disempowering and often leads people to feel like they have no control over their lives. Fate is the friend of the non-conscious person. In a way it protects them from the anxiety of making choices and having to live with the consequences.
Moving away from fate-based thinking involves two steps:
1. Becoming aware of your beliefs about fate.
2. Challenging those beliefs and replacing them with empowering beliefs.
If you want to move away from fate-based thinking, it’s important to become aware of your beliefs about fate. A good way to do this is to pay attention to your thoughts and emotions. Whenever you find yourself thinking or feeling that something is out of your control, ask yourself if you really believe that. If you do, then it’s time to challenge that belief.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to challenge your beliefs about fate:
1. What evidence do I have that fate exists?
2. If Fate exists, then why do bad things happen to good people?
3. If Fate exists, then why do I need to make any effort at all? Wouldn’t Fate just take care of everything?
4. If Fate exists, then why are there so many different beliefs about what it is and how it works?
5. If Fate exists, then why is it that some people seem to be able to change their circumstances while others can’t?
6. If Fate exists, then why does it seem to be so random and unpredictable?
7. If Fate exists, then why do I feel like I have some control over my life?
8. If Fate exists, then why do I need to take responsibility for my choices and actions?
The answers to these questions will help you to see that your beliefs about fate are likely based on assumptions and not on evidence. Once you realize that, you can start to challenge those beliefs and replace them with more empowering beliefs.
Here are some empowering beliefs about life that you can adopt:
1. I am in control of my life.
2. I create my own reality.
3. I am responsible for my choices and actions.
4. I am capable of making changes in my life.
5. I am worthy of happiness and success.
6. I am deserving of love and respect.
7. I am safe and protected.
8. I am connected to a higher power.
9. I am surrounded by love and support.
10. I am infinite and eternal.
By acknowledging our personal powers, however small they may seem, we shift our focus away from fate and back to our own ability to create the life we want. This doesn’t mean that bad things will never occur, but it does mean that we have the power to choose how we react to them.
When you start to believe in your own personal power, you will find that you are no longer a victim of fate. You will start to see the challenges in your life as opportunities given to you for your personal growth and expansion. You will become more resilient and adaptable, able to flow with the changes that come your way.
Out thinking the programming
A large majority of the decisions you make throughout the day are based on programming that you’ve either inherited or picked up along the way.
For example, if you grew up being taught that you must please others in order to receive love, then you’re likely going to find yourself making decisions based on that belief.
The same is true if you believe that you’re not good enough or that you don’t deserve success. These beliefs will color the decisions you make and can ultimately lead to self-sabotage.
The best way to make smarter decisions is by training your brain to keep track of its own activity. This may sound difficult, but it’s actually quite simple.
Every time you find yourself about to make a decision, take a moment to pause and ask yourself why you’re making that choice.
What is the motivation behind it?
Is it based on fear or love?
Is it something you truly desire, or are you just trying to please someone else?
By taking the time to check in with yourself, you’ll be able to catch yourself when you’re about to make a decision that isn’t in alignment with your true desires or personal values.
This process can take time to get used to, but it’s worth it if it means making decisions that are in line with who you really are.
To speed up the process, you can schedule a few session of neurofeedback. Neurofeedback is a type of training that helps your brain to become more aware of its own activity.
After just a few sessions, you’ll find that it’s much easier to think outside the box, to stay focused and to make decisions that are in alignment with your true desires. It becomes very clear what you want and what you don’t want. This is true because we are better able to identify motives that were subconsciously driving our decisions.
If you want to make smarter decisions, then I recommend you start by training your brain to become more aware of its own activity. Once you’re able to do that, everything else will fall into place.